![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Update:
The car is dead. It is an ex-car. Deceased, shuffled off its coil, etc., etc., etc. The transmission/transaxle went kablooie. Don't have the $2700 to fix it (and it's not worth that at this point anyway) so it went away. I sold it to a nice mechanic for $300... I suspect he can fix it for much cheaper, and it will shortly be tricked out with all manner of ground effects and other appropriately muscled items, as befits his age, tattoos, and the region. (Albuquerque has a swift trade in taking cars like Honda Civics and other relatively inexpensive economy or family size cars and turning them into road monsters... lowering them, adding all sorts of stuff, doing wild paint jobs, etc. It's a huge hobby there, apparently.)
Two, I got my computer parts and they still don't work. It goes back in today to the shop, where they will look at the parts, figure out which one is defective and exchange it. They will do this, oh yes.
Three. David is home. I ended up having to rent a car and go get him. It took a week and a half to bring him home, though I've decided that the Mazda Protege isn't a half-bad little car.
Four. David doesn't want to be married anymore. He'd basically decided this before we ever spoke about the matter. The stuff from his past has come back full force, giving him panic attacks, making him shy away from being touched by anyone or touching anyone else... the only exceptions to this are the children and Jennifer. I am most definitely not an exception. It's made life a little... interesting around the house. He is willing to go to counciling for both his problems and for our marriage, but I have to scrape the money together first. I still have no insurance, you see.
In the days since arriving home, we've had some small progress in that leaving now looks no better to him than staying. He doesn't know whether he ever loved me as anything more than a friend, though those who have seen us together in recent years know better, as do I. He can't remember back that far emotionally, though... he's got this huge disassociative wall up, and has a hard time expressing emotion for anyone or anything other than the kids or Jennifer.
Other good signs were that he actually managed to smile once yesterday about something, and he mentioned that playing an X-Box game sounded like fun. He's had 0 interest in his games and hobbies since getting back, so any resumption of interest is probably a good sign, at least to a limited extent. I just wish I could help him.
Oh, and if anyone is wondering if I'm really that calm about all this... the answer is "hell no." I lost my car, my computer and possibly even my husband, all in the space of a week with absolutely no warning. It isn't economically feasible for him to move out now, and probably won't be for a couple of years. That's really the only reason I still have him around, regardless of his intentions to try and work things out despite his lack of feeling for me. I've had to drop out of one project completely because I just didn't have anything left to give to it, and it was challenging for me on a good day -- much less the days I've been having and have to look forward to. I'm desperately trying to distance myself enough to cope with it and hang on just a little bit longer without putting too much pressure on him, as he's not exactly having a picnic either, and it isn't his fault.
So, there's the update on the situation. Anyone who has prayers, good thoughts, or alcohol to offer me at GenCon... I'll take you up on it. Comments are welcome.
The car is dead. It is an ex-car. Deceased, shuffled off its coil, etc., etc., etc. The transmission/transaxle went kablooie. Don't have the $2700 to fix it (and it's not worth that at this point anyway) so it went away. I sold it to a nice mechanic for $300... I suspect he can fix it for much cheaper, and it will shortly be tricked out with all manner of ground effects and other appropriately muscled items, as befits his age, tattoos, and the region. (Albuquerque has a swift trade in taking cars like Honda Civics and other relatively inexpensive economy or family size cars and turning them into road monsters... lowering them, adding all sorts of stuff, doing wild paint jobs, etc. It's a huge hobby there, apparently.)
Two, I got my computer parts and they still don't work. It goes back in today to the shop, where they will look at the parts, figure out which one is defective and exchange it. They will do this, oh yes.
Three. David is home. I ended up having to rent a car and go get him. It took a week and a half to bring him home, though I've decided that the Mazda Protege isn't a half-bad little car.
Four. David doesn't want to be married anymore. He'd basically decided this before we ever spoke about the matter. The stuff from his past has come back full force, giving him panic attacks, making him shy away from being touched by anyone or touching anyone else... the only exceptions to this are the children and Jennifer. I am most definitely not an exception. It's made life a little... interesting around the house. He is willing to go to counciling for both his problems and for our marriage, but I have to scrape the money together first. I still have no insurance, you see.
In the days since arriving home, we've had some small progress in that leaving now looks no better to him than staying. He doesn't know whether he ever loved me as anything more than a friend, though those who have seen us together in recent years know better, as do I. He can't remember back that far emotionally, though... he's got this huge disassociative wall up, and has a hard time expressing emotion for anyone or anything other than the kids or Jennifer.
Other good signs were that he actually managed to smile once yesterday about something, and he mentioned that playing an X-Box game sounded like fun. He's had 0 interest in his games and hobbies since getting back, so any resumption of interest is probably a good sign, at least to a limited extent. I just wish I could help him.
Oh, and if anyone is wondering if I'm really that calm about all this... the answer is "hell no." I lost my car, my computer and possibly even my husband, all in the space of a week with absolutely no warning. It isn't economically feasible for him to move out now, and probably won't be for a couple of years. That's really the only reason I still have him around, regardless of his intentions to try and work things out despite his lack of feeling for me. I've had to drop out of one project completely because I just didn't have anything left to give to it, and it was challenging for me on a good day -- much less the days I've been having and have to look forward to. I'm desperately trying to distance myself enough to cope with it and hang on just a little bit longer without putting too much pressure on him, as he's not exactly having a picnic either, and it isn't his fault.
So, there's the update on the situation. Anyone who has prayers, good thoughts, or alcohol to offer me at GenCon... I'll take you up on it. Comments are welcome.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 08:26 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 08:26 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 08:38 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 08:53 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 10:11 am (UTC)From:1. Your county health department may be able to hook David up with some counseling for cheap/ree, or point you at people who can. I suspect that his therapy must necessarily precede any marital counseling you two decide to try - he can't have a good relationship with you until he heals his relationship with himself, etc. etc.
2. County health department and/or local hospital may be able to point him toward an abuse survivors' support group or something similar. A lot of those kinds of things don't cost anything, and will give him more people to talk to about this than just this Jennifer person.
3. If available, you may want to try to find, even online, a group for yourself. I've heard of groups to help support partners of survivors, and I'm sure you could use some reassurance and such from people who know what you're going through.
Again, many many hugs dear. And a big ol' drink (with an umbrella in it, if you prefer) for you at Gencon, complements of yer favorite Trollbabe.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 10:12 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 10:20 am (UTC)From:I don't know anything else about your situation with David so forgive me if this isn't an appropriate suggestion, but I have seen firsthand the amazing changes a person can go through when the right medication is found for their condition. Dan had been suffering from clinical depression for years before we finally found somebody who identified it, and now that he's taking antidepressants (since '97) he's like a different person (in the sense that he doesn't get nearly as angry, short-tempered, or morose as he did before the diagnosis). We didn't get to the point where you are, but there were some pretty sticky times there for awhile. You mentioned panic attacks--that's one thing the meds are good at handling. It might be something to look into--if you want someone to talk to who's been there, I'm sure Dan would be happy to discuss it with you.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 11:05 am (UTC)From:Re:
Date: 2003-07-14 11:10 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 01:42 pm (UTC)From:Thorn, I checked with the local health department. They don't have anything like that, but the nearest large town might. They'll know more tomorrow.
Re:
Date: 2003-07-14 01:53 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 02:46 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)- Toon
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 01:15 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)love,
--Ani
no subject
Date: 2003-07-21 01:33 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2003-08-01 01:48 pm (UTC)From: (Anonymous)Jaysus, the year I go to no cons, the world up and shits in people's cornflakes. *hug*
/herr kartoffel
no subject
Date: 2003-08-01 09:33 pm (UTC)From: