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Oct. 29th, 2002 11:50 amWe went to visit my husband's family this weekend. This was overall a good visit, barring the portion of it that was spent with his mother.
It's such a shame, really. His mom can be a perfectly lovely individual, at least on the surface. I believed her to be a very nice person for years, despite all the ruckus when we first got married. She's kinda charming and nice, and always has stuff to tell you about... except that after years of this, I've come to discover that the majority of the stuff she has to tell about are always designed to make her the center of attention. Everyone else is a villain. No one else understands her. Alternatively, someone is kind to her and is thus the best person in the world (second only to herself).
We spent about eight hours there at her house. During that entire time, she never once asked about her son or grandchildren. I had to interrupt her to tell her that her son is carrying a 4.0 in college this semester (her response: See, I knew you were like me.). I had to interrupt her again later to tell her about her grandchildren and their interests (Again, a one word response before being off again on another talk about herself). She talked about her other grandkids (the ones that love her because she's better than their untreated-bipolar mother and stepfather) who want to move in with her, and thus must really love her. She complains about her ex-husband (David's father) and children, all except for the one who is with her at the time. The only member of his family we're on good terms with, his eldest sister, is currently the victim of a carefully planned character attack by the MIL, so that we'll be turned against the sister and go back to adoring his mother. She's down to the point of making up stuff now, and it's really sad. Not to mention that she went from doting on his sister's kids to ignoring them totally after a big fight between the eldest sister and mother (except for the youngest, of whom she keeps a photo prominently visible and drags it out regularly to announce how much she misses him and blame his mother. If the photo weren't always dusty and/or were someplace she actually sits to look at it, I might believe her).
The worst thing, really, is that I hate thinking the worst of people. I really do. I would far prefer to believe that things were simply a misunderstanding, or that there were altruistic motives hidden behind questionable execution. Given the repeated demonstration of her complete lack of interest in anyone outside herself, even those she ostensibly loves, coupled with her utter disregard for the feelings of her family and her blatant attempts at emotional manipulation, I find that I no longer have any sort of tolerance for this woman. I don't want to see her, I don't want to speak to her, and I don't want to give her the chance to hurt my husband or my sons ever, ever again. I don't have that option, mind you, as my husband is currently not willing to sever ties with her completly, but I would happily do so given the chance.
Argh.
It's such a shame, really. His mom can be a perfectly lovely individual, at least on the surface. I believed her to be a very nice person for years, despite all the ruckus when we first got married. She's kinda charming and nice, and always has stuff to tell you about... except that after years of this, I've come to discover that the majority of the stuff she has to tell about are always designed to make her the center of attention. Everyone else is a villain. No one else understands her. Alternatively, someone is kind to her and is thus the best person in the world (second only to herself).
We spent about eight hours there at her house. During that entire time, she never once asked about her son or grandchildren. I had to interrupt her to tell her that her son is carrying a 4.0 in college this semester (her response: See, I knew you were like me.). I had to interrupt her again later to tell her about her grandchildren and their interests (Again, a one word response before being off again on another talk about herself). She talked about her other grandkids (the ones that love her because she's better than their untreated-bipolar mother and stepfather) who want to move in with her, and thus must really love her. She complains about her ex-husband (David's father) and children, all except for the one who is with her at the time. The only member of his family we're on good terms with, his eldest sister, is currently the victim of a carefully planned character attack by the MIL, so that we'll be turned against the sister and go back to adoring his mother. She's down to the point of making up stuff now, and it's really sad. Not to mention that she went from doting on his sister's kids to ignoring them totally after a big fight between the eldest sister and mother (except for the youngest, of whom she keeps a photo prominently visible and drags it out regularly to announce how much she misses him and blame his mother. If the photo weren't always dusty and/or were someplace she actually sits to look at it, I might believe her).
The worst thing, really, is that I hate thinking the worst of people. I really do. I would far prefer to believe that things were simply a misunderstanding, or that there were altruistic motives hidden behind questionable execution. Given the repeated demonstration of her complete lack of interest in anyone outside herself, even those she ostensibly loves, coupled with her utter disregard for the feelings of her family and her blatant attempts at emotional manipulation, I find that I no longer have any sort of tolerance for this woman. I don't want to see her, I don't want to speak to her, and I don't want to give her the chance to hurt my husband or my sons ever, ever again. I don't have that option, mind you, as my husband is currently not willing to sever ties with her completly, but I would happily do so given the chance.
Argh.
