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Looking forward and back.
Sep. 11th, 2007 09:04 pmJob stuff continues to be odd. Very odd, in fact. Undoubtedly good, but really frickin' odd. Just when I thought things were all settled, I have discovered they are most emphatically not. Not a lot more I can say about that, other than "Huh." Doors seemed determined to at least consider opening for me despite my relative blindness in the matter. I could do a lot worse. It's about time.
At the same time as I contemplate what the future could bring, though... I'm really struck by the past. This is 9/11, of course. This will probably seem odd to people, but 9/11 doesn't strike home for me in the same way as it does for most others. The Oklahoma City Bombing holds that place in my psyche, though that's not to say 9/11 is unimportant by any means. OKC just happened in my hometown of the time. I stood in line to donate blood for it. It took me years to have April 19th go by without thinking "this is the day it happened." So... yeah. My heart goes out to those similarly affected by the past events of this day.
For me, though, 9/11 takes on a more personal note, in that it was in some ways the beginning of the end of my marriage. Not that there weren't issues long before that, nor that it wouldn't have ended regardless, but 9/11 was what spurred David to join the military. Between being away from me and the kids for so many months and learning to be really self-sufficient for the first time, on some level he realized he didn't need me anymore. Things were never the same again after he left, something I was afraid would happen even as I took him to the hotel to leave for Basic the next morning.
All that said, though... I'm better off. I'm better now than I was then. I'm much more myself, and if I am less contented, I am also more awake. I have possibilities and potential that would never have existed before. I live somewhere I adore, I really enjoy my work, and I'm tons cuter than I was then. :) I've even learned to dance. And really... the boys are better off too, I think. It's hard to say that, but I think it's true. They're really really happy, even though miss their grandparents and they'd like to do stuff with David and I together more often.
Life works in such strange ways.
At the same time as I contemplate what the future could bring, though... I'm really struck by the past. This is 9/11, of course. This will probably seem odd to people, but 9/11 doesn't strike home for me in the same way as it does for most others. The Oklahoma City Bombing holds that place in my psyche, though that's not to say 9/11 is unimportant by any means. OKC just happened in my hometown of the time. I stood in line to donate blood for it. It took me years to have April 19th go by without thinking "this is the day it happened." So... yeah. My heart goes out to those similarly affected by the past events of this day.
For me, though, 9/11 takes on a more personal note, in that it was in some ways the beginning of the end of my marriage. Not that there weren't issues long before that, nor that it wouldn't have ended regardless, but 9/11 was what spurred David to join the military. Between being away from me and the kids for so many months and learning to be really self-sufficient for the first time, on some level he realized he didn't need me anymore. Things were never the same again after he left, something I was afraid would happen even as I took him to the hotel to leave for Basic the next morning.
All that said, though... I'm better off. I'm better now than I was then. I'm much more myself, and if I am less contented, I am also more awake. I have possibilities and potential that would never have existed before. I live somewhere I adore, I really enjoy my work, and I'm tons cuter than I was then. :) I've even learned to dance. And really... the boys are better off too, I think. It's hard to say that, but I think it's true. They're really really happy, even though miss their grandparents and they'd like to do stuff with David and I together more often.
Life works in such strange ways.
