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Catching up.
Oct. 24th, 2010 11:07 amMy journal has been sadly neglected since I moved, I know. I'm trying to figure out the best way to post things without getting into areas I can't really describe with any sense of accuracy (or else repeating myself too much). I've been sort of applying a sniper approach -- posting about this thing or that, but not really a lot of overall stuff, or when I do it's amazingly general. I've therefore decided that it's time to catch up. I will be going back to my list format in order to keep it from running all together.
1) I'm down a little over six pounds since I started doing weight watchers. I have figured out that the difference between this time and last time is that I have Matt to help me figure out that food thing once I get to the point I can't cope with it any more. I manage my points during the day, he fixes a healthy low-points dinner for everyone in the evening, and lo and behold it works. I'm astonished, frankly, but I'm getting a lot happier with my body. I have about 14 lbs to go before I'm back to my last most successful weight-loss point (yes, I gained 20 lbs over the 6-10 months prior to graduation). I don't think I'll entirely get there before we take a break for the holidays, but I'm not going to go completely off the reservation even then. I'd really like to be under 200 by this time next year -- my immediate "let's evaluate at this point" goal is 180. 160 is my absolute minimum, and if I don't actually get there, I won't be sad. Eventually I'll afford getting back to the gym and that will be that, but until then I'll keep doing what I'm doing. It works.
2) School. I really do like school. It's starting to kick my ass just a bit, but everyone else feels that way too, so I'm not alone. I'm still mostly keeping up and my teachers like me, and I think I get on well with my advisor. I dunno. We'll see. Next semester I get to co-teach a freshman SAGES seminar (the most recent answer to English comp) and we'll see how that goes. I'm not too worried, though.
3) I'm going through and getting rid of a lot of my stuff I don't need (and didn't love) anymore. The things which are worn or extraneous or otherwise not meaningful to me are getting slowly disbursed, whether to the garbage or friends or Goodwill. The things which are useful and fit into the household are moving inside. I had my moment of "OMG WTF am I doing" yesterday, when I sat down with Matt and had a small freakout, and he assured me that he had no intention of changing his mind and telling me to go away. It's up to me what I keep or want to get rid of, as ever, but frankly I don't want things taking up space in the garage. It's no place to keep anything and keep it really nice, especially my books and whatnot. I want it dealt with and not taking up room in the back of my brain as one more thing I need to deal with. I'm therefore dealing with it.
4) My children are well and amazing, and we miss each other terribly, but not enough for any of us to want to change the current situation. It is what it is. I went out to see them last weekend and it was really, really, really tough. There were a number of contributing factors that made it harder than it might otherwise have been, but I'm not really going into those right now. They don't signify in any meaningful way and they're done now. Alisdair is nearly my height -- maybe an inch shorter -- and Will is down to a healthy weight. They're both thriving.
5) I could not ask for more in my relationship with Matt. This is not an understatement. I have never in my life been as loved as I am by this man, and to reflect even a small portion of that back to him is a privilege. I am, at times, fearful that there's something I'm not seeing or acknowledging, just as I didn't in my relationship with David, and that I'm going to turn around one morning and see his eyes look at me like a stranger's would, that somehow love and compatibility and respect and appreciation are going to evaporate like mist in the sun. On another level, though, if I thought that were a remote possibility, I wouldn't be here. I just don't want to lose what I have with him, and I'm very aware right now of all the areas in which I fall short of standard (thank you, graduate school). It's still a wonder to me that we ended up together in the first place, much less that I'm waking up next to him each morning. The improbability and unexpectedness of it still leaves me breathless at times. I never expected love again, and thanks to him I find I never knew it before regardless. How crazy is that? :) The world is full of surprises. There are signs that reconfiguration of the household may occur again in the coming year, but it's too soon to say what these changes may be or how they will be accomplished. All in due time.
6) Rosie is well and loved and happy in her pack. The skunk smell has abated, thank God. Did I mention she found a skunk and tried to "investigate" it one evening before bed? She did. The "night squirrel" proved more than a match for her, however, and she retreated, liberally doused with skunk musk. After multiple treatments, she's far less stinky than she was. I have hope that by Christmas the lingering odor will be gone entirely. We shall see. She's put on weight again and has playmates, so her life is good. I'm really pleased for her.
Whew. I think that's good for now. More later.
1) I'm down a little over six pounds since I started doing weight watchers. I have figured out that the difference between this time and last time is that I have Matt to help me figure out that food thing once I get to the point I can't cope with it any more. I manage my points during the day, he fixes a healthy low-points dinner for everyone in the evening, and lo and behold it works. I'm astonished, frankly, but I'm getting a lot happier with my body. I have about 14 lbs to go before I'm back to my last most successful weight-loss point (yes, I gained 20 lbs over the 6-10 months prior to graduation). I don't think I'll entirely get there before we take a break for the holidays, but I'm not going to go completely off the reservation even then. I'd really like to be under 200 by this time next year -- my immediate "let's evaluate at this point" goal is 180. 160 is my absolute minimum, and if I don't actually get there, I won't be sad. Eventually I'll afford getting back to the gym and that will be that, but until then I'll keep doing what I'm doing. It works.
2) School. I really do like school. It's starting to kick my ass just a bit, but everyone else feels that way too, so I'm not alone. I'm still mostly keeping up and my teachers like me, and I think I get on well with my advisor. I dunno. We'll see. Next semester I get to co-teach a freshman SAGES seminar (the most recent answer to English comp) and we'll see how that goes. I'm not too worried, though.
3) I'm going through and getting rid of a lot of my stuff I don't need (and didn't love) anymore. The things which are worn or extraneous or otherwise not meaningful to me are getting slowly disbursed, whether to the garbage or friends or Goodwill. The things which are useful and fit into the household are moving inside. I had my moment of "OMG WTF am I doing" yesterday, when I sat down with Matt and had a small freakout, and he assured me that he had no intention of changing his mind and telling me to go away. It's up to me what I keep or want to get rid of, as ever, but frankly I don't want things taking up space in the garage. It's no place to keep anything and keep it really nice, especially my books and whatnot. I want it dealt with and not taking up room in the back of my brain as one more thing I need to deal with. I'm therefore dealing with it.
4) My children are well and amazing, and we miss each other terribly, but not enough for any of us to want to change the current situation. It is what it is. I went out to see them last weekend and it was really, really, really tough. There were a number of contributing factors that made it harder than it might otherwise have been, but I'm not really going into those right now. They don't signify in any meaningful way and they're done now. Alisdair is nearly my height -- maybe an inch shorter -- and Will is down to a healthy weight. They're both thriving.
5) I could not ask for more in my relationship with Matt. This is not an understatement. I have never in my life been as loved as I am by this man, and to reflect even a small portion of that back to him is a privilege. I am, at times, fearful that there's something I'm not seeing or acknowledging, just as I didn't in my relationship with David, and that I'm going to turn around one morning and see his eyes look at me like a stranger's would, that somehow love and compatibility and respect and appreciation are going to evaporate like mist in the sun. On another level, though, if I thought that were a remote possibility, I wouldn't be here. I just don't want to lose what I have with him, and I'm very aware right now of all the areas in which I fall short of standard (thank you, graduate school). It's still a wonder to me that we ended up together in the first place, much less that I'm waking up next to him each morning. The improbability and unexpectedness of it still leaves me breathless at times. I never expected love again, and thanks to him I find I never knew it before regardless. How crazy is that? :) The world is full of surprises. There are signs that reconfiguration of the household may occur again in the coming year, but it's too soon to say what these changes may be or how they will be accomplished. All in due time.
6) Rosie is well and loved and happy in her pack. The skunk smell has abated, thank God. Did I mention she found a skunk and tried to "investigate" it one evening before bed? She did. The "night squirrel" proved more than a match for her, however, and she retreated, liberally doused with skunk musk. After multiple treatments, she's far less stinky than she was. I have hope that by Christmas the lingering odor will be gone entirely. We shall see. She's put on weight again and has playmates, so her life is good. I'm really pleased for her.
Whew. I think that's good for now. More later.
