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So, I'm engaged.
Sep. 28th, 2011 01:22 pmYes, engaged. Gettin' married again. Holy cats, to borrow an expression from my intended. I've been waiting to say it until it seemed like a good time, but now I'm so glad I can.
The date is January 4th, decided on since we neither of us see much point in waiting, we aren't having a big wedding, and we'll pretty much always have that weekend available so long as we're both on the academic calendar for work, which we most likely will be. Also, it's not in the midst of Oscar season, as that is a thing for Matt and it would be both funny and cruel to watch him struggle with the two pulls on his time (or would end up in our anniversary consistently spent going to movies, which... could be fun, but I'd like an option). We've ordered rings already -- no engagement rings, though.
Now, some of you might be saying, but isn't Matt married? Well, yes, he is, until sometime in the middle of next month. Heather and Aaron are already mostly moved into their new house -- they're just finishing up the painting and the last of the remodeling stuff. Once that's done, they'll be happily ensconced over there. We're all pretty happy about the various ways things have turned out, honestly. Heather and Aaron are really good together and really happy, and I think the same can be said for Matt and I. I think everyone appreciates how decisions were made, how we're working at making this one big family across two households (not counting my boys in David's household, who are absolutely part of this), and how no one has to feel left behind or unappreciated. I'm grateful for Heather, and for Aaron, and I like to think they feel similarly about me and Matt.
Now, some others of you might say, doesn't Matt have another girlfriend? (To which the rest of you might say, bwah?) To which I say, yes, he does. That isn't going to change, nor do I wish it to. I'm really fond of Sarah and I love having her as a friend -- I would want that even if she weren't with Matt. That's what poly sorts of things are all about, and that's the relationship we have. I even sort of taught her how to knit/loaned her needles and pointed her at the internet. That's love, man. Seriously.
Yes, my life is complicated. It's also the most fulfilling it's ever been. The only thing lacking is my boys being here, but that's not just up to me -- and we have a great relationship and they're happy I'm getting married again.
I will grant you, I'm still ambivalent about marriage as an institution. I have baggage I bring to this decision, and as much as I might want to pretend it's not there, it is. Divorce sucks like nothing else on earth in 90% of the situations out there. I have problems with making promises that are forever when nothing about the human condition is eternal except change and endings. I have issues with the cultural baggage we dump on marriage, and the extent to which it's used culturally as social control (see gay marriage, frex). I worry that writing our names together on a piece of paper will change something about the relationship we have, even though I know rationally, given discussions and whatnot, that it really isn't going to do that.
In the end, it all comes back to that regardless how I feel about marriage in general, I don't feel any of this about marriage to Matt. And that's why I'm here.
The date is January 4th, decided on since we neither of us see much point in waiting, we aren't having a big wedding, and we'll pretty much always have that weekend available so long as we're both on the academic calendar for work, which we most likely will be. Also, it's not in the midst of Oscar season, as that is a thing for Matt and it would be both funny and cruel to watch him struggle with the two pulls on his time (or would end up in our anniversary consistently spent going to movies, which... could be fun, but I'd like an option). We've ordered rings already -- no engagement rings, though.
Now, some of you might be saying, but isn't Matt married? Well, yes, he is, until sometime in the middle of next month. Heather and Aaron are already mostly moved into their new house -- they're just finishing up the painting and the last of the remodeling stuff. Once that's done, they'll be happily ensconced over there. We're all pretty happy about the various ways things have turned out, honestly. Heather and Aaron are really good together and really happy, and I think the same can be said for Matt and I. I think everyone appreciates how decisions were made, how we're working at making this one big family across two households (not counting my boys in David's household, who are absolutely part of this), and how no one has to feel left behind or unappreciated. I'm grateful for Heather, and for Aaron, and I like to think they feel similarly about me and Matt.
Now, some others of you might say, doesn't Matt have another girlfriend? (To which the rest of you might say, bwah?) To which I say, yes, he does. That isn't going to change, nor do I wish it to. I'm really fond of Sarah and I love having her as a friend -- I would want that even if she weren't with Matt. That's what poly sorts of things are all about, and that's the relationship we have. I even sort of taught her how to knit/loaned her needles and pointed her at the internet. That's love, man. Seriously.
Yes, my life is complicated. It's also the most fulfilling it's ever been. The only thing lacking is my boys being here, but that's not just up to me -- and we have a great relationship and they're happy I'm getting married again.
I will grant you, I'm still ambivalent about marriage as an institution. I have baggage I bring to this decision, and as much as I might want to pretend it's not there, it is. Divorce sucks like nothing else on earth in 90% of the situations out there. I have problems with making promises that are forever when nothing about the human condition is eternal except change and endings. I have issues with the cultural baggage we dump on marriage, and the extent to which it's used culturally as social control (see gay marriage, frex). I worry that writing our names together on a piece of paper will change something about the relationship we have, even though I know rationally, given discussions and whatnot, that it really isn't going to do that.
In the end, it all comes back to that regardless how I feel about marriage in general, I don't feel any of this about marriage to Matt. And that's why I'm here.
