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It's been a long, hard weekend, for reasons that range from valid and true to completely illusory, from practical considerations to sheer lunacy. I've been fortunate, though, that on the nights I had the worst time, someone called me. Two someone's, in fact, one of whom we later realized I hadn't actually seen and talked to in... years. It doesn't seem possible, but it was. And thanks to their help in sort of forcibly redirecting my brain, I coped and felt a lot better and was able to turn off the worst of the emotional tap without any serious damage to myself or others.
It's odd to realize, but I tend to forget that I need people like that. I mean, not literally. I know when I need to get out more and I know when I want to talk to someone. But I forget that I can actually call people when I feel awful. I forget that being around people more often keeps me from brooding or even wanting to brood. It doesn't help me write, unfortunately, but sometimes not brooding and even making up stuff to brood about is more important.
I love my mom. I can't talk to her about my life or things that are wrong, even if it's just my emotional reaction that makes them so. She freaks out and it stresses her terribly to see me emotional. So with family not an option, it falls back to friends, and I feel awkward about imposing on my friends with emotional stuff. What I am going to endeavor to remember, however, is that I really need to get the fuck over myself. I don't need to take over someone's life, but I know people who would be happy to lend an ear and chat at me about their lives and just generally visit for a while until I felt better. I don't need to limit the pool of people for that nearly so much as I do.
So... yeah. Doing better. Thanks, Don and Nicole. You both did me a big favor, and I won't forget it. Love you guys.
It's odd to realize, but I tend to forget that I need people like that. I mean, not literally. I know when I need to get out more and I know when I want to talk to someone. But I forget that I can actually call people when I feel awful. I forget that being around people more often keeps me from brooding or even wanting to brood. It doesn't help me write, unfortunately, but sometimes not brooding and even making up stuff to brood about is more important.
I love my mom. I can't talk to her about my life or things that are wrong, even if it's just my emotional reaction that makes them so. She freaks out and it stresses her terribly to see me emotional. So with family not an option, it falls back to friends, and I feel awkward about imposing on my friends with emotional stuff. What I am going to endeavor to remember, however, is that I really need to get the fuck over myself. I don't need to take over someone's life, but I know people who would be happy to lend an ear and chat at me about their lives and just generally visit for a while until I felt better. I don't need to limit the pool of people for that nearly so much as I do.
So... yeah. Doing better. Thanks, Don and Nicole. You both did me a big favor, and I won't forget it. Love you guys.
