I'm done.

[eurydicebound]

It's now official. David and I are getting a divorce. I'm done trying, and I've got no more left to give. We talked about it yesterday, and it's basically been decided. We'll wait to file the paperwork until his job comes through, so that we can determine alimony and child support as needed, and so that I can have a shot at having insurance for a while thereafter. (I still need to get my wisdom teeth extracted and such, and it would be nice to go back to an OB/GYN again.) As soon as we move out, we'll be sleeping in different rooms until we can work out both of us having different places. We going to work out the custody plans together and otherwise file for one of those no-fault things, using lawyers as little as possible. We're still good friends, after all... we just aren't anything more than that anymore. The kids will likely live with him during the week and me on the weekend, but I'll probably be picking them up from school, etc., assuming we find a way for me to keep staying home and freelancing. At least, that's the plan for now.

As for how I'm doing, I'm a little sad and frustrated, but otherwise relieved. It had gotten to the point that it was a constant strain on me, and nothing I did made anything any better. With every attempt to reach out to him, he only retreated further. There was literally nothing more to be done, because he didn't really want to save the marriage, no matter how much he might agree that trying would be for the best. Frustratingly enough, after the decision, he actually opened up to me last night about how he was feeling for the first time in nearly a year, without me having to do anything to bring it about. He's such a contrary bastard at times that I just want to beat him. He comes by it honestly, though, so I guess that's just the way things are. Maybe on his own he can get some of this sorted out and finally be happy.

Maybe now I can stop feeling so damned helpless and frustrated and move on with something in my life. I guess when divorce actually makes you feel hopeful for the first time in a year or more, that's a sign that it's time.

Comments

[jasonlblair.livejournal.com]

As odd as this may or may not sound: I am so happy for you, Michelle.

[themoocow.livejournal.com]

*Wuffles* It's probably for the best. You deserve to be happy.

(Unless of course you have bodies buried in the basement, in which case you're a bad bad person)

[instantcash.livejournal.com]

Good luck. My wife had to go through a divorce and it is never easy, for anyone.

If you get extremely bored and need someone to chat with let me know. :)

I might even have some useful tips for you. Wouldn't that be a change :D

[trollbabe.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm sorry this is the hand life dealt you, sweetheart. It's not fair that crummy hands get dealt to such good people.

I'm glad, at least, that you're feeling more hopeful than you had been. Sucky that this is the route it had to take, but I'm glad you're feeling a bit better for a change.

[suikerspinner.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Anything I can say to you sounds all wrong and empty, but please know that much well wishing is zooming towards you.

[bruceb.livejournal.com]

Oh, golly. I'm so sorry to hear it. Best wishes for next steps.

[anidada.livejournal.com]

*hug* At least there's a resolution, and you guys are handling it in a friendly way, esp. involving the kids. Let us know if there's anything you need, okay? We may be way the heck up here, but you never know. Be well.

[tfbretz.livejournal.com]

*hug*

So sorry to hear that. If there's anything we can do, being a large state away, let me know.

[anaka.livejournal.com]

Thanks to everyone. I don't know what might help, honestly, but the good wishes are certainly appreciated. I got up this morning and went for a walk for the first time in... well, since before Origins last year. I guess that's a sign of a sort right there, as I couldn't muster the energy or the willpower to do it while the whole marriage stuff was going on.

Of course, if anyone had an all-expenses paid weekend getaway they wanted to offer, I'd be wiling to consider it. I won't hold my breath, though. :)

[bull22.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Not sure if there's anything I can do to help, but... I'm here if you ever need anything hon.

Bull

[instantcash.livejournal.com]

As soon as I get the winning numbers for the super mega monkey lottery, you are on. ;)

[rentagurkha.livejournal.com]

Good luck, Michelle. You've tried and more than tried to make this work, and sometimes it just can't be done. At least this gives you the chance to move on with your own life.

[eyebeams.livejournal.com]

It's certainly not the first thing anybody wants, but I'm happy that you'll be able to take a decisive step to where you want to be.

[electricland.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear it, but it does sound like it's maybe for the best. Nobody can say you haven't done your damnedest to make this work.

*Hugs* to you, and best wishes.

[innocent-man.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that, but I hope it turns out for the best in the long run.

[oakthorne.livejournal.com]

I'm going to echo what others above me have said: no one wants it to be for the best, even when it just might be. God bless, you.

Make sure to take care of yourself in the process, yeah?

Joe

[themoocow.livejournal.com]

Ditto, though I may pause to laugh at all the little people first. Honest, I'm not a meglomanian waiting to happen. ;)

[eynowd.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear it, but perhaps this is for the best. Sometimes people go in different directions and making the split as easily as possible is best for everyone in the long term.

I can fully sympathise with what you're going through. Drop me an email if you want to chat/vent/whatever.

Keep smiling! Life still goes on.

Hugs!

[roserain.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear that, but the fact that you say it makes you hopeful sounds like it is the right decision. Hang in there!

[metallian.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what to say, other than that I hope it all works out for the best!