Love and joy come to you, and good Christmas manipulation too....

[eurydicebound]

So my mother-in-law sent us a Christmas card. I'd already sent one to her. David wrote a little note, and we included new pic of the kids and all. It's not much, but it's what I can/am willing to do right now for just about everyone I know. I don't ask David to talk to my parents for me, and I don't take up the Parental Communication Mantle for him, either. It's not my job to manage their relationship, and I'm not particularly hip on managing my relationship with her either right now, to be honest. Therefore, a card, a note, and pictures is what it is.

Typically, she'll send us a card, write a little note in it, and send something like 5-10 bucks per kid - and when we lived nearby, we'd just get presents for them when we visited her, and not otherwise. Given that she's been notably stingy with her family for their entire lives, it's a pretty good present and we'd hear a little bit about what was going on with her, but in a format that imposed a limit on the conversation. Typically it was a veiled entreaty/guilt trip to come visit more often, but still. It was what it was.

This year, however, things are different. This year we do not get a card, nor do we get the expected check. This year we get a religious tract from her church about the glories of Christ's birth and his sacrifice for YOUR sins, and preaching the virtues of the family. We also get a spam cutesy poem with our names attached to the front of it about Mrs. Santa building a new poor sled and sending greetings or something instead of presents. And then we get the $100 check.

So, from a card and almost no money to speak of to a religious tract (with a signature) and a check for $100. That's roughly equal to (or possibly more than) she spent on the boys for their entire lives, and I know her too well to think she does this without a motive.

The worst of this is that I know she did this to try to manipulate us somehow, and I'm just freaked enough to spend time actually considering what she's trying to accomplish. David wants to go spend it on stuff she'd hate, like RPGs, but I'm trying to be practical and make sure we make our car payment first. It's just... argh. Hate, hate, hate.

Comments

[b3zsgirl.livejournal.com]

A friend of mine says his mother gives money and then reminds you of it later. He shuts it down by saying, "now...if I remember correctly that was a gift." Or am I mistaken. I am sure that you wouldn't want me to think a gift had any other motive. I am going to try to tell myself this. I an mot obligated to anything when it is supposed to be a gift. Both parties are positive when something is a loan. And a bribe is just never to be paid back with kindness.

[jeff-preston.livejournal.com]

Merry Chri$tma$?

I prefer Happy Yule, but really it's all somantics.
It's a season to spend with friends and family. Gifts are nice and all, but it's the remembrance that matters.

IMHO of course...

[innocent-man.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad I don't have anybody like that in my family. I mean, my mother and her mother are certainly capable of manipulation, but they don't try to use religion, at least.

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that sucks. I'd say to just deposit it and do what you like with it. Maybe get something neat for the boys, or use it to take a picture of them with Santa, or donate some of it to charity, and even some of David's idea is kinda cool if you feel like tweaking her nose without her knowledge. But really: it's now yours, do what you like with it. Otherwise, you could refuse to cash the check and get into the reasons why, which I'm gathering you'd really rather not do.