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It's now official. David and I are getting a divorce. I'm done trying, and I've got no more left to give. We talked about it yesterday, and it's basically been decided. We'll wait to file the paperwork until his job comes through, so that we can determine alimony and child support as needed, and so that I can have a shot at having insurance for a while thereafter. (I still need to get my wisdom teeth extracted and such, and it would be nice to go back to an OB/GYN again.) As soon as we move out, we'll be sleeping in different rooms until we can work out both of us having different places. We going to work out the custody plans together and otherwise file for one of those no-fault things, using lawyers as little as possible. We're still good friends, after all... we just aren't anything more than that anymore. The kids will likely live with him during the week and me on the weekend, but I'll probably be picking them up from school, etc., assuming we find a way for me to keep staying home and freelancing. At least, that's the plan for now.
As for how I'm doing, I'm a little sad and frustrated, but otherwise relieved. It had gotten to the point that it was a constant strain on me, and nothing I did made anything any better. With every attempt to reach out to him, he only retreated further. There was literally nothing more to be done, because he didn't really want to save the marriage, no matter how much he might agree that trying would be for the best. Frustratingly enough, after the decision, he actually opened up to me last night about how he was feeling for the first time in nearly a year, without me having to do anything to bring it about. He's such a contrary bastard at times that I just want to beat him. He comes by it honestly, though, so I guess that's just the way things are. Maybe on his own he can get some of this sorted out and finally be happy.
Maybe now I can stop feeling so damned helpless and frustrated and move on with something in my life. I guess when divorce actually makes you feel hopeful for the first time in a year or more, that's a sign that it's time.
As for how I'm doing, I'm a little sad and frustrated, but otherwise relieved. It had gotten to the point that it was a constant strain on me, and nothing I did made anything any better. With every attempt to reach out to him, he only retreated further. There was literally nothing more to be done, because he didn't really want to save the marriage, no matter how much he might agree that trying would be for the best. Frustratingly enough, after the decision, he actually opened up to me last night about how he was feeling for the first time in nearly a year, without me having to do anything to bring it about. He's such a contrary bastard at times that I just want to beat him. He comes by it honestly, though, so I guess that's just the way things are. Maybe on his own he can get some of this sorted out and finally be happy.
Maybe now I can stop feeling so damned helpless and frustrated and move on with something in my life. I guess when divorce actually makes you feel hopeful for the first time in a year or more, that's a sign that it's time.
