The Bard's Tongue

eynowd asked for an explanation of #9 in my list of things I've done, etc., so I thought I'd go ahead and provide one. It's a bit long for a comment, though, especially in the browser I'm using at the moment, so I'm putting it here instead. It is, at least, an entertaining story.

9) Accidentally predicted my husband a year before I met him or had even heard of him, including first name, town of origin, rough size/height, academic strengths, and general appearance (hair/eye color).

I was a junior in school, and it was toward the end of the school year. I was acting as an aide to the science teacher, Mrs. Freese, which meant that I largely just hung out in her room or the lab while there wasn't a class there and read. Sometimes she had something for me to help with, but by and large it was time to myself. That year I'd lost something like 30 lbs the summer previous, and so I was being noticed in a positive way by the guys for the first time. None of them wanted to date me, mind you, but they weren't making fun of me when I passed by anymore either. It was an acceptable improvement.

I wasn't too into most of the guys in my high school, luckily. There were a couple in the grades ahead of me, those who obviously had a brain and were headed to college, but there was nothing with anyone in particular. One of these, though, was the principal's son, and his name was David. This will be important later in the narrative.

So I was walking down the hall toward the library when I passed one of the members of the football team, Robert. Robert was cute, formerly shy until he became our star quarterback on a team destined to go to State that year, and dating a friend of mine. He said hi as I walked past, and I responded with "Hi, David." I hadn't even been thinking of the other guy at the time... to this day, I can't tell you why I said that. I just wasn't thinking. That was the only David in the school, though... the only one any of us knew to speak of. Robert, not being a fool, immediately picked up on what I said. "David?" You could almost see his ears perk up, and a grin spread across his face. A hound to the foxes, Robert was, sensing that he had caught the School Brain meditating upon a boy, possibly one in this very school.

"Nobody," I said, but my attempt to fluff off the answer was in vain. I walked across the auditorium toward the class, and my hoped for sanctuary. My efforts were doomed, however, because Robert met his cousin, Jeremy, on the way as he followed me.

"Jeremy, Michelle's got a boyfriend!"

"Really? Who?" Jeremy immediately jumped on the bit of news. This was potentially bigger than the Virgin Birth.

"No one!" I ducked into the empty classroom. The two boys followed, intent on getting me to answer. Both were grinning like they'd won the lottery. I cursed my fate and tried not to blush with embarrassment.

"David," Robert said.

"David H.?" Jeremy was amazed. That David, the one I'd thought idly about in past times, had for many years been dating another girl in my class steadily. They had only broken up about 4 months earlier, and most believed they'd get back together.

"No, of course not." I feigned annoyance at such a silly idea. And it was a silly idea, and the last thing I wanted was for people to start rumors that David and I had been dating or some such thing. I also believed the pair would get back together, and it was a small school. I wasn't fond enough of the boy to want to encourage such things and potentially piss off someone I had to see every day, especially as I don't think he rightly ever noticed I existed. At least, I certainly didn't think so then. I especially didn't want anyone talking about how I was sweet on said guy who hadn't given me a moment's thought. I had enough social issues without adding that to it.

"Come on, who is it then."

"Yeah, do we know him?"

The pair of them began suggesting people who it might be from nearby schools, though I could tell David H. hadn't left their minds entirely. Realizing that if I didn't give them an answer they liked, that this would escalate out of control, I decided to wing it.

"Okay, there is somebody." The triumph on their faces was amazing. Here it was, the most exciting event in a particularly boring school day. "His name is David, but you don't know him."

They remained unconvinced. I had to think of something fast, or else it was all over. Where could I have met a boy that they wouldn't know of? Suddenly, I had it.

"He doesn't go to school around here. He's from up north, at McCloud. I met him at an academic meet. He was there for the math tests." Despite my current linguistic specialization, I was considered the best math student at my school at the time. I always ended up taking math and science tests at those things, and neither one of them would have been at such a thing. While not bad students, they were understandably focused on sports. The town I picked just because I'd vaguely heard of it, I knew it was somewhere in the opposite corner of the state (I was wrong, it's around the center of the state) and because I'd never heard of it connected with sports in any way.

"Oh," they said. Suddenly the prize had lost a bit of its luster, but they still wanted to hear the story. I wasn't free yet. "What's he look like?"

Well, if I had to make this up, might as well indulge in a bit of wish fulfillment. "He's tall, about 6 feet, with light brown hair and green eyes."

"Does he play football?" They'd perked up again.

Oh hell. Football. I'd forgotten about football, though how I'd managed to do that with both of them wearing jerseys (it was Pep Rally day) was beyond me. In Oklahoma in a small-ish town, there was no way you could be that size and not play football. It was unthinkable.

"No, he doesn't play. He's not really into sports." Whew. Dodged another bullet. They were obviously disappointed, but it was the only safe way... and knowing me, who knew what sort of fellow I'd be interested in? I was generally considered to be such a foreign specimen for that environment that it seemed only natural I'd find someone equally odd.

"Do you like him?" They were overcoming their surprise tolerably well, and both took on a sort of "big brother" attitude.

"Yeah, I do. I don't get to see him all that often, but he's really nice."

"Oh, cool." They smiled, and seemed to take solace in my pretend happiness. "That's really cool, Michelle."

"Thanks." I smiled back, and they regained a little bit of their smug attitude, confident that they'd ferreted out my secret and laid bare a Mystery of Enormous Significance. They walked out of the room, then, congratulating themselves. I also congratulated myself, sitting down rather suddenly and breathing heavily, that I had managed to give them what they wanted to hear without putting anyone in the way of negative press.

Go Me.

I then forgot about this episode almost entirely.... until around Christmas of my freshman year, when the David I'd met came down to visit, and we ran into Robert. He mentioned that he remembered me telling him about David, and suddenly the whole thing fell into place.

Details I mentioned that were correct: 100% accuracy. Name, hometown, academic specialty, physical appearance (his eyes are really hazel, but appear green from time to time, and he was around 6'1" when I actually met him... he grew later). He hated sports (tried football when he was in junior high and loathed it) and excelled in math, coming in 3rd in the Engineering Competition at OU. Had I ranged further abroad and embroidered more, it probably would have resulted in a reasonable margin of error. As it stands, it's awfully coincidental.

Over the years, David's half-jokingly told me that I have a Bard's Tongue, as things that I say have a disturbing likelyhood to come to pass, even if I'm completely bullshitting at the time. While I refuse to claim any psychic or supernatural powers of prophecy, I can say that I've begun keeping my mouth shut more and more often as I get older, especially at the beginnings of long-term associations, relationships, or adventures. Whether I'm reading situations, making educated guesses, or whatever else it might be, there's no point in tempting the Powers that Be. Some things are better left unsaid.