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That Damn Movie Meme, #11
Jun. 7th, 2008 07:58 pm#11) The Blood of Fu Manchu (Spoilers!)
So. Christopher Lee puts on an educated English accent (not a stretch), a Fu Manchu mustache, oriental eye makeup, and some traditional satin chinese court garb. He gets an ancient Incan lair in South America (mostly consisting of large fake rocks in the jungle, extremely rickety prison cells, and a storage area in a grotto). To this, he brings his Chinese daughter (who refers to him as The Master) as his priestess/second-in-command and a bunch of hapless dacoits/thugs.
From here, FM executes his Master Plan (tm), which involves capturing a score of beautiful young women, having his thugs attack them with a garter snake while they scream uncontrollably and have their breasts fall out of their flimsy prisoner garb, and magically fill their bodies to the brim with the Deadliest Poison In The World (tm). Only men are susceptible to this Deadliest Poison In The World, which is good, otherwise there'd be no carriers, and for them, all these women need to do is kiss them on the lips (no tongue required!) to transmit it, striking their victims blind and then slowly killing them. It should also be noted that this mysterious poison infusion process also turns resisting women into easily controlled drones who obey unquestioningly (for the most part).
Ten young women are selected and sent against the 10 most annoying enemies Fu Manchu has, including one Nayland Smith, Fu Manchu's arch-enemy (and the champion of all good in the world, obviously). He gets kissed, goes blind, and then serves to move the plot along nicely by insisting that everyone go to the jungle in search of an antidote, and then proceeding to lie there sweating in a darkened room while everyone else goes on adventures.
Everyone else includes Nurse Ursula Wagner (the niece of the guy who gets killed in the jungle in the first two minutes), Karl Jansen (the Swedish anthropologist/spy who has nice blue eyes and chin stubble, if unconvincing stunt talents), Dr. Petrie (the Watson to Smith's questionable Holmes), Somebody-or-other Lopez (the local bandit king) and assorted dacoits and noble savages in tow, including freaky old nurse woman who's taking care of the sweating hero.
I don't think it's too spoiler-iffic to state that Good Triumphs, Things Explode, Innocents are Killed, Partial Female Nudity Happens, Fake Blood is in Evidence, and Fu Manchu Mysteriously Escapes.
And sad to say, even with all that, this movie totally, totally sucked.
I could maybe see watching it with a group to MST3K it... that could be really fun. But on its own? Man. Other Fu Manchu movies may be better, but I suspect they're all of a type. Oh, and let us not dwell on stereotyping, -isms, or just plain late-60s weirdness present in this film. Just... yeah. :)
Still, I can now mark off a milestone in my movie watching. Young Christopher Lee/Fu Manchu pulp stuff. Check. Back to the Netflix Pit it goes.
So. Christopher Lee puts on an educated English accent (not a stretch), a Fu Manchu mustache, oriental eye makeup, and some traditional satin chinese court garb. He gets an ancient Incan lair in South America (mostly consisting of large fake rocks in the jungle, extremely rickety prison cells, and a storage area in a grotto). To this, he brings his Chinese daughter (who refers to him as The Master) as his priestess/second-in-command and a bunch of hapless dacoits/thugs.
From here, FM executes his Master Plan (tm), which involves capturing a score of beautiful young women, having his thugs attack them with a garter snake while they scream uncontrollably and have their breasts fall out of their flimsy prisoner garb, and magically fill their bodies to the brim with the Deadliest Poison In The World (tm). Only men are susceptible to this Deadliest Poison In The World, which is good, otherwise there'd be no carriers, and for them, all these women need to do is kiss them on the lips (no tongue required!) to transmit it, striking their victims blind and then slowly killing them. It should also be noted that this mysterious poison infusion process also turns resisting women into easily controlled drones who obey unquestioningly (for the most part).
Ten young women are selected and sent against the 10 most annoying enemies Fu Manchu has, including one Nayland Smith, Fu Manchu's arch-enemy (and the champion of all good in the world, obviously). He gets kissed, goes blind, and then serves to move the plot along nicely by insisting that everyone go to the jungle in search of an antidote, and then proceeding to lie there sweating in a darkened room while everyone else goes on adventures.
Everyone else includes Nurse Ursula Wagner (the niece of the guy who gets killed in the jungle in the first two minutes), Karl Jansen (the Swedish anthropologist/spy who has nice blue eyes and chin stubble, if unconvincing stunt talents), Dr. Petrie (the Watson to Smith's questionable Holmes), Somebody-or-other Lopez (the local bandit king) and assorted dacoits and noble savages in tow, including freaky old nurse woman who's taking care of the sweating hero.
I don't think it's too spoiler-iffic to state that Good Triumphs, Things Explode, Innocents are Killed, Partial Female Nudity Happens, Fake Blood is in Evidence, and Fu Manchu Mysteriously Escapes.
And sad to say, even with all that, this movie totally, totally sucked.
I could maybe see watching it with a group to MST3K it... that could be really fun. But on its own? Man. Other Fu Manchu movies may be better, but I suspect they're all of a type. Oh, and let us not dwell on stereotyping, -isms, or just plain late-60s weirdness present in this film. Just... yeah. :)
Still, I can now mark off a milestone in my movie watching. Young Christopher Lee/Fu Manchu pulp stuff. Check. Back to the Netflix Pit it goes.
