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Sundays....
Jan. 31st, 2010 11:05 amI admit, I really don't care for Sundays all that much. Part of it is the dread of the day to come, when I have to get up at ungodly in the morning again to get my kids off to school. Part of it is that I don't tend to hear from my boyfriend as much over the weekend (he's not around a computer and he's with his family and being social), and so by Sunday I'm feeling antsy. Part of it is that in this current financial cycle, by Sunday I'm really, honestly, truly broke and I'm trying to figure out how to stretch my pantry to reach Tuesday, when I'll have my check again. This is slightly stressful, and it annoys me that I have to do it.
I just have a hard time being present on Sundays. I have a hard time engaging in the moment and not spending my time either dreading what's to come or trying to hold onto what has been. There's so little on that day that makes me want it as opposed to some other day altogether, or combination thereof. I'll get things done and life will be okay, don't get me wrong, it's just... well, to borrow a metaphor, stretched thin, like butter over too much bread.
Sometimes I wonder if this end-of-week affliction is due more specifically to my current situation, wherein I spend six months playing "hurry-up-and-wait." It's possible. I finished leaping over one of the last big hurdles yesterday, when I finished converting my 1st quarter 10-page-paper into a 15 page paper which is, if I may say so, a far cry better than the one I started with (and what I started with gave me an A). That was the "hurry up" part. Now we're at the "wait" part, in which I wait for a couple of months to hear back and see if any of the insitutions I applied to are willing to give me a little graduate studies love and have me come study with them for a while. I'm also waiting to hear about a job, waiting to see if I'm going to move (and where, and when)... just waiting. I'm trying to do useful things like clean my house in the meantime (really good to do if I'm about to be employed and in school again) but mostly still waiting. Argh. I hate waiting.
I guess Sundays are just filled with waiting for me. I would like them to be filled with something else, something that was happier to just be where and when it was. Perhaps I will have to work on that. If nothing else, it's something to do while I wait.
I just have a hard time being present on Sundays. I have a hard time engaging in the moment and not spending my time either dreading what's to come or trying to hold onto what has been. There's so little on that day that makes me want it as opposed to some other day altogether, or combination thereof. I'll get things done and life will be okay, don't get me wrong, it's just... well, to borrow a metaphor, stretched thin, like butter over too much bread.
Sometimes I wonder if this end-of-week affliction is due more specifically to my current situation, wherein I spend six months playing "hurry-up-and-wait." It's possible. I finished leaping over one of the last big hurdles yesterday, when I finished converting my 1st quarter 10-page-paper into a 15 page paper which is, if I may say so, a far cry better than the one I started with (and what I started with gave me an A). That was the "hurry up" part. Now we're at the "wait" part, in which I wait for a couple of months to hear back and see if any of the insitutions I applied to are willing to give me a little graduate studies love and have me come study with them for a while. I'm also waiting to hear about a job, waiting to see if I'm going to move (and where, and when)... just waiting. I'm trying to do useful things like clean my house in the meantime (really good to do if I'm about to be employed and in school again) but mostly still waiting. Argh. I hate waiting.
I guess Sundays are just filled with waiting for me. I would like them to be filled with something else, something that was happier to just be where and when it was. Perhaps I will have to work on that. If nothing else, it's something to do while I wait.
