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Another turn of the wheel.
May. 1st, 2010 03:44 pmSo today I got up and took Will to Sibshops for his final meeting of the year. He loves that group like nobody's business, so the fact that it fell on David's drill weekend spelled out a minor inconvenience for me. I went and got him and drove him up to Children's Hospital, where he went swimming with his friends, and then I went to U-Village to one of the Starbucks there to study a bit (which I did, completing one more chapter of reading -- go me). At noon, I got back in my car, picked him up, headed back to David's (which took for-freaking-ever -- thanks traffic) and dropped him back off again.
Afterwards, I drove back to my place with a stop along the way. I was thinking that Jimmy Johns for lunch sounded awesome, which it did (and was), but there was also a Ross in the shopping center. Remembering that a friend told me that Ross had roller bags for far cheaper, I went in. While I was there, as I searched for roller bags/briefcases... I shopped. For me. I actually went in and tried things on.
The last time I went shopping for me was... um. Last summer, I think, and even then I didn't try anything on, I just grabbed some likely things after I'd gotten the boys taken care of, not wanting to leave them unsupervised in a retail environment. I ended up getting a nice tank top with lace trim and a pair of shorts -- I haven't owned a pair of shorts in years, but I'm moving and driving cross-country in June, and ending up in Ohio, where the gods of summer are a fair bit more fierce than those of the Pacific Northwest. My mom took me shopping for a coat this past Christmas, but we had both the boys and my dad with me, and thus "trying on" was a hasty thing done by the clothing rack.
The roller bags were way cheaper than at the bookstore, but still more than I had to spend today. I'll save up a bit and come back in a couple of weeks, though. Instead I got the top and shorts and a couple of new bowls for Rosie, as her water bowl was too small and her food bowl was really chewed up and kinda nasty.
The reason this is important is not to take inventory of my shopping trip, but to point out... I did something for me. I didn't go looking for boy clothes, I didn't try to do something as a "mom." Not that the boys couldn't use more clothes in general, don't get me wrong, but... I reprioritised. I realized today that I've told everyone connected to the boys whom I was dreading telling about moving. I've hit all those walls and crashed through them. I'm still sad about leaving them, but it's changed into a sort of resignation that can slumber a bit until we get closer to the actual date and let me focus on the things I'm actually happy about. I can see myself apart from being mom, for better or worse, and that scares me, even as I let it slip from my grasp. I am not just "mom," and it's better to get a handle on that now than later. I'll have enough stuff to deal with later. Putting this off altogether until then would not be a good idea.
I dunno. I can just feel that internal wheel turning, and I don't think I can stop it, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't anyway even if I knew how. It's just a little scary. It's a good thing, though... I think.
Afterwards, I drove back to my place with a stop along the way. I was thinking that Jimmy Johns for lunch sounded awesome, which it did (and was), but there was also a Ross in the shopping center. Remembering that a friend told me that Ross had roller bags for far cheaper, I went in. While I was there, as I searched for roller bags/briefcases... I shopped. For me. I actually went in and tried things on.
The last time I went shopping for me was... um. Last summer, I think, and even then I didn't try anything on, I just grabbed some likely things after I'd gotten the boys taken care of, not wanting to leave them unsupervised in a retail environment. I ended up getting a nice tank top with lace trim and a pair of shorts -- I haven't owned a pair of shorts in years, but I'm moving and driving cross-country in June, and ending up in Ohio, where the gods of summer are a fair bit more fierce than those of the Pacific Northwest. My mom took me shopping for a coat this past Christmas, but we had both the boys and my dad with me, and thus "trying on" was a hasty thing done by the clothing rack.
The roller bags were way cheaper than at the bookstore, but still more than I had to spend today. I'll save up a bit and come back in a couple of weeks, though. Instead I got the top and shorts and a couple of new bowls for Rosie, as her water bowl was too small and her food bowl was really chewed up and kinda nasty.
The reason this is important is not to take inventory of my shopping trip, but to point out... I did something for me. I didn't go looking for boy clothes, I didn't try to do something as a "mom." Not that the boys couldn't use more clothes in general, don't get me wrong, but... I reprioritised. I realized today that I've told everyone connected to the boys whom I was dreading telling about moving. I've hit all those walls and crashed through them. I'm still sad about leaving them, but it's changed into a sort of resignation that can slumber a bit until we get closer to the actual date and let me focus on the things I'm actually happy about. I can see myself apart from being mom, for better or worse, and that scares me, even as I let it slip from my grasp. I am not just "mom," and it's better to get a handle on that now than later. I'll have enough stuff to deal with later. Putting this off altogether until then would not be a good idea.
I dunno. I can just feel that internal wheel turning, and I don't think I can stop it, and I'm pretty sure I shouldn't anyway even if I knew how. It's just a little scary. It's a good thing, though... I think.
