eurydicebound

Okay. David's graduating college on Saturday, with his bachelor's degree in Computer Programming. For anyone who doesn't know the history, we both started college in 1989, went for five, miserable years, wherein we met each other and proceeded to blow off $20,000 in scholarships a piece (we were both National Merit Scholars and had free rides; that's how we met) because neither of us had any clue what we were doing, together or separately, and because I had no idea about what he was dealing with at the time (and neither did he). We got married a year later, took loans, and went to school for another four miserable years.

I say miserable because we were both depressed, broke, and he could not get to class. He had a great GPA within his major because he never had to try at math. He was just that damn good at it. He never did his homework, never went to class, nothing. I ended up doing the same things because I didn't know how to be apart from him, or to rise above to what I knew I needed to be doing when he was there, pulling me back down to where he was, where he wanted me to be. If it sounds cruel or wrong, it wasn't really. Neither of us had the slightest idea about what we were doing, honestly. If we had, things would have been a lot different.

We ended up quitting in the 5th year. We had already had a major sea change in our lives... we both got and held jobs, moved in with his parents for a summer to clear out debt (and I regret that particular choice of domicile to this day), moved to OKC and were working full time. Our last semester, we were both going part time and making the 30 minute drive each way when I shattered my ankle in the middle of the semester. I literally was bed-ridden, and David wouldn't leave me, so we failed all our classes for that semester as well, because I couldn't even think of trying to contact the university (I was literally bedridden at my mom's house for a month -- an eternity in college -- and my biggest concerns were getting to the bathroom, healing, how to pay for the hospital bills and not losing my job) and David simply didn't think about it; it was unimportant next to everything else going on in our lives at the time. He had 90-some odd hours, I had over 100. We never went back.

So, five years later, we're in Albuquerque and we have a baby boy. We decide that we need to start working on getting things back in order to have a future again. David attends the University of New Mexico for a semester, registered as a non-degree student due to his grades and takes some stuff he'd need to raise his GPA. That one semester was all we could do, as money concerns prevented us from doing anything else. Then, of course, I got pregnant again, and somehow getting back into school became less of an immediate priority. We moved to Chicago, worked, planned to try and have him get back in school again, and ended up moving away about a year later, flat broke and with nowhere left to go but Oklahoma. We decided to get him back into school again, but before he could start, 9-11 happened and he felt like he might really be needed, so he joined the Army Reserve. Once he got out of basic, he came back an signed up.

He has had 4 semesters of straight A's since then, and has been called the best student in the department. It's basically 15 years later, and he's walking out with a respectable GPA overall and roughly a 3.75 on a 4.0 scale within his major. He fought his way back and he's finally graduating. Only one of his siblings has done the same. None of my immediate familiy has managed to finish college (though I'm looking at going back next year).

You might think that everyone would be happy to show up and see him graduate. You'd be wrong. My brother won't be coming, because his 3 yr old has two 3-hr dance recitals this weekend that are more important, even though it's 80% likely that she'll simply refuse to get on the stage AT ALL. David's mother will be coming, but that woman never does a thing if there isn't something in it for her. She offered her house to her oldest grandchild on the condition that she'd move down and care for her in her old age, because no one else will and the girl won't be able to do anything else anyway. That's not my opinion -- that's what she said to the girl. Before witnesses. I could be misjudging her, but experience tells me otherwise. David's eldest sister, whom we were actually hoping to see, won't be coming. My parents will be there -- or at least my mom, since my dad has problems sitting anywhere for 2 hours in a row.

So, in the end, it'll be me, the kids, my mother, and my mother-in-law. My mother is going to support David, but she's not really excited by the prospect. The MIL is primarily coming so she can have something to brag about and can guilt David into letting her manipulate him. He won't say that he's angry or hurt, but I know better. This is a big deal, damn it. It deserves a party and friends and having people make much over him. He's managed to do what very few people actually do, especially given the obstacles he's faced in doing it, and he's done exceedingly well -- and the best I can do is buy him a cheesecake to celebrate. I'm angry at people for writing it off and not doing everything they can to show up when he's supposedly important to them. And I'm not supposed to be upset with anyone about it.

Damn, but I hate people sometimes.