It's so, so quiet...

[eurydicebound]

I'm here at the first day of my tutoring work at the writing center. There's four of us here and no one to tutor, and while I know that will not always be the case (nor do I want it to be) I'm rather happily relieved this morning that it's the case. My head hurts and my eyes are all squinty and I forgot my water bottle, and there's no coffee to make and I'm rather effectually broke -- I have a few dollars, but I'm hoarding them to stay ticket-free as long as possible. I get paid next week and that'll be good, but until then I've got four more days this week on campus. The money won't last for all of them, but I'll milk it for as long as possible.

Grad school so far is manageable, but definitely more of a challenge than I've had so far. There are a lot of things I don't fully have a handle on yet, a lot of terminology I don't recognize. I'm starting to get a handle on it and everything else, but I'm not getting up to speed as fast as I'd like. I can't seem to get my schedule straight and get to where I need to be on time all the time yet -- my old issues with figuring out how long it takes me to do something and get somewhere are getting in my way again. Also, my headaches are back. Blah.

I admit, although I'm happy to be here, I'm feeling somewhat disheartened. I'm so much older than my classmates... so much heavier, too. I want to think that I'm not too old for this, but I admit it feels kind of like wading through molasses right now. It'll get better as I find my footing and get back on the exercise and diet wagon and get through, but it'll take a while. I just have to not let it get me down between now and then.

Comments

[ms-monkey.livejournal.com]

By being older than your class mates you have more experience to draw from. By being heavier you prove that you've lead a richer life.

I've got issues with self doubt and I have to realize that the main part of that is 'self' I create the doubt, and the self defeating cycles. It's hard to realize but the external factors don't change as much as we can change our attitudes about them. I'm at a point right now that when I feel unworthy I just have to remind myself of the constants that prove me wrong.

In your case, for this particular instance I would remind you that you were accepted to grad school, so you are worthy of it and it is right for you.

[docelboze.livejournal.com]

Hells yes - Milk that life experience for all it's worth. I was a young pup in at the start of my grad work and was VERY glad of the wise professor that pared me up with the older student who'd been working in the world... put things into a perspective that you don't usually see until you're out in the world. Believe me - I'd take the seasoned vet who managed to go back to school over the whiz kid ANY day now that I'm the guy looking at hiring folks...

[effrenatus.livejournal.com]

You're not helping my anxiety about starting full-time in a few weeks :)

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

While I'm not in grad school, Michelle and I are of a similar age, and I'm also back in school full time. (This quarter begins my junior year, whee!) You largely tend to get over the age anxiety, mainly because your concentration is on getting and maintaining good grades rather than worrying about seeming "so old." In fact, I've never had a classmate remark on that. It helps that I don't look my age, and have again and again astonished people with the fact that my kids are now in high school (my son will graduate this year!), but even with them knowing that I'm older than them even by just ten years (actually closer to twenty years), it doesn't faze them.

Chin up, it's not so big a deal. :)

[ladycoyote.livejournal.com]

You are beautiful, intelligent, creative and earned your place in grad school. Everyone goes through an adjustment period; they just don't let on. It will get sorted. You are already amazing! Keep it up! :) *hugs*