Winning back the past, or some such blather

[eurydicebound]

I have, believe it or not, made a number of stupid decisions in my life. A lot of them are resurfacing this year, it seems, seeking resolution. I'm actually not unhappy about this, as it means I get finaly put some of this stuff behind me. I'm finally in a place where I can start redeeming some of these debts, and that is overall a very good thing.

One of these things that I feel lacking in is old friends I've sort of left behind. I was realizing the other day that some of the people I think of as "friends" are people I haven't talked to in four years or more. At one move or another I left them behind and really didn't look back much... the situations that had brought us into long-distance contact in the first place were either no longer present or had never been particularly strong to begin with, and so keeping in touch ended very shortly after our physical proximity did. Oklahoma and Albuquerque are where I feel the losses the most: less so in OK than ABQ, as we moved back to OK and did try to make contact with those friends more than once over the years, without reciprocation or significant interest on their part.

The friends in Albuquerque, though, were always pretty dear to me. A few of them I'm still in pretty good contact with, iavasthul included. Some I likely won't be speaking with again, possibly ever, and that makes me very sad. Some just sort of drifted away... a few before we moved, a few more after. The group of friends that was present when we moved there has long since splintered and diffused. I'm not sure I'd want to recreate it... there were elements of that group that were not all that healthy for the people involved. I miss the individuals, though. Pretty much all of them. They were a big part of my life for a number of years, undoubtedly more than any of them realized, and certainly more than I told any of them. The group dynamic was such that any such efforts at explanation would probably have been misinterpreted, or at least not understood. *shrug*

While I can't take all the blame for letting contact with these people slide, some of it is most certainly mine. It's one of the things that bothers me, as I get older and friends seem harder to spontaneously make. Very soon I'll be single, and any friends I make here will be post-marriage... somehow it seems important to me now to reconnect with people who knew me during the marriage as well. In the spirit of reconnecting, therefore, and redeeming past mistakes, I Googled until I managed to find a couple of those friends who had dropped off my radar. I composed and sent emails giving the general updates in my life and David's, and let them know that I missed them and would like to reestablish contact with them again, if they were interested.

Of course, part of me feels like I've done a really stupid thing. After all, if they were interested in talking to me, wouldn't they have made an effort too? Am I seeing more than was actually there? Should I have just taken the hint and let things go? To be honest, I've got no clue. In any case, it's too late now to take the emails back. :) What I do know, though, is that I'd feel better having vague news and chances to see these people than not. If it takes a little extra effort on my part... well, so be it. I'm the one who stands to benefit, anyway.

Comments

[eynowd.livejournal.com]

Ahhh, my American sister and I walk the same road again :)

I've been doing exactly the same sorts of things in recent months, for pretty much the same reasons you have. In some cases it hasn't worked out and that's OK. I guess when that happens, you know that that particular chapter of your life is now closed, or at least closed for the time being.

But in other cases, you find that there's a whole fresh blossoming of the friendship, perhaps even past the point it used to be.

A few weeks ago I was bored silly one afternoon at work, so I did the whole google thing on a girl I knew from primary and high school who lived down here in Canberra a few years ago. I found a number in the phonebook and rang it up, on the off chance it was her.

It turns out it was her, and it totally blew her away that I'd gotten in contact with her. We've caught up a couple of times in person (when my shift roster has allowed) and it's been great. We reminisce about the things we did at high school. She seems really excited that I've made contact too; she keeps dragging her friends over to introduce them to her "georgeous friend Geoff". I have to admit, hearing her say that gives me a nice ego-boo as well, which is what I need at the moment.

And you already know about at least one of the other friends I've reestablished contact with :)

So, the long and the short of it is, don't feel bad or silly about doing it. Who knows, perhaps you guys actually needed to walk separate paths for a while and the experiences that you've picked up in the intervening time might be just what the other person needs right now. You should never pass up the chance to be a blessing in someone else's life.

Besides, did you consider that it's quite possible that they might be going through a rough patch in their own lives and they might be looking for a familiar voice to talk to and that all you're doing is picking up that vibe off the ether and responding to it? :)

[anaka.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Is possible. Is unlikely, I think, but possible. In truth, there's one I've been dreading doing, but it's been haunting me for years. I know eventually I'm going to have to pick up the keyboard and email an estranged friend of mine, if only because I don't really know why we became estranged, and I miss her. I think I need to see if this other will work before I do it, though. Sort of building up my courage.

[eynowd.livejournal.com]

Best of luck with that one then. I'll send some courage your way to help you out with it :)