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Well, I'm sitting here at work in my cool new t-shirt with an embroidered sea otter on the front, hoping and praying my energy levels will cease their slide into non-existent and will let me finish out the day here. See, I was exhausted when I got home, at least in part, because I was sick. Between the martinis I had early on and the airplane air, that was all this needed for a cold to turn into a hearty illness, replete with fever, sinus crap, and a sore throat that borders on tonsilitis. Fun fun fun.
I'd still do it again, though.
This weekend I get a real bed. I'm absurdly excited about this. I'm going to buy new non-sucky pillows and everything, all at the same time. Maybe even.... gasp.... curtains. I also need to get my car worked on, along with paying a couple of bills that are left this month. In other news, it turns out that the house behind mine will likely not be completed in any reasonable timeframe for our needs. With that in mind, David will have to find somewhere else to live, possibly as a roommate-sort-of-situation, given costs and income. It would be great if we could both afford a place of our own with room for kids, but I'm not sure that's possible right now, and certainly not until he becomes an officer... maybe not even then.
It's kind of funny. David and I spent a lot of years broke... most of our marriage, in fact. We kept shuffling things around and trying to do what we could to make sure the poverty ended, the most recent effort at this being sending him back to college. And now, as our marriage ends, our combined income is finally such that we don't have to worry about money, by and large. Our bills get paid, we can afford to do things with the kids, we can take vacations, we can buy clothes when we need to. The situation we've worked toward for more than a decade is finally here, and we're just figuring out how long we can milk it before we file the paperwork. It's a sad, sad thing, but there it is.
Heck, we'd even talked about getting a house with a mother-in-law apartment in it and sharing it that way, just to keep the overall income and cut costs. After all, it's unlikely I'm going to find a roomie of any sort given the kids, and we want to live close together for the kiddos. The more I ponder this, though, the more I realize that such an arrangement, while acceptable in the short term, would only cause long term issues. I'm not sure it's really a divorce if you still spend most of your time with that person, and that's what it would turn into. I really need to get to the place where his problems are his and mine are mine, and we don't automatically try to compensate for whatever is going on (except where the kids are concerned, that is). I don't think living together after the divorce will do that.
I dunno. I wish I had a good answer. It's just so... easy, I suppose, pretending that everything is as it should be, being parents who sleep in separate rooms and game together sometimes and ignoring the rest. I know "easy" rarely equates to "right," and I'm working on not giving into the siren song of comfort over change. Still, sometimes those sirens sing awful pretty, you know?
I'd still do it again, though.
This weekend I get a real bed. I'm absurdly excited about this. I'm going to buy new non-sucky pillows and everything, all at the same time. Maybe even.... gasp.... curtains. I also need to get my car worked on, along with paying a couple of bills that are left this month. In other news, it turns out that the house behind mine will likely not be completed in any reasonable timeframe for our needs. With that in mind, David will have to find somewhere else to live, possibly as a roommate-sort-of-situation, given costs and income. It would be great if we could both afford a place of our own with room for kids, but I'm not sure that's possible right now, and certainly not until he becomes an officer... maybe not even then.
It's kind of funny. David and I spent a lot of years broke... most of our marriage, in fact. We kept shuffling things around and trying to do what we could to make sure the poverty ended, the most recent effort at this being sending him back to college. And now, as our marriage ends, our combined income is finally such that we don't have to worry about money, by and large. Our bills get paid, we can afford to do things with the kids, we can take vacations, we can buy clothes when we need to. The situation we've worked toward for more than a decade is finally here, and we're just figuring out how long we can milk it before we file the paperwork. It's a sad, sad thing, but there it is.
Heck, we'd even talked about getting a house with a mother-in-law apartment in it and sharing it that way, just to keep the overall income and cut costs. After all, it's unlikely I'm going to find a roomie of any sort given the kids, and we want to live close together for the kiddos. The more I ponder this, though, the more I realize that such an arrangement, while acceptable in the short term, would only cause long term issues. I'm not sure it's really a divorce if you still spend most of your time with that person, and that's what it would turn into. I really need to get to the place where his problems are his and mine are mine, and we don't automatically try to compensate for whatever is going on (except where the kids are concerned, that is). I don't think living together after the divorce will do that.
I dunno. I wish I had a good answer. It's just so... easy, I suppose, pretending that everything is as it should be, being parents who sleep in separate rooms and game together sometimes and ignoring the rest. I know "easy" rarely equates to "right," and I'm working on not giving into the siren song of comfort over change. Still, sometimes those sirens sing awful pretty, you know?
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Date: 2005-03-16 09:13 pm (UTC)From:It's much better to make a clean break and begin to establish your own life again. It's tough at times, but in the long run it's actually better.
Someone I know is still sharing a house with her ex, and it causes no end of hassle. Personally, I think she's fooling herself, but hey, that's her problem now, not mine.