A list

[eurydicebound]

1) Thanks to everyone who posted with well-wishes. I didn't answer them all in the last thread, but every single one of them made a huge difference to me. *HUG*

2) Alisdair's been having a problem lately concentrating long enough at school to finish his work. Said work then gets brought home and piled on top of his normal homework. I am having to ride him constantly to get him to do anything tonight, which is preventing me from getting anything done either. I can't even cook my dinner, as his workspace is in the kitchen and that will distract him too much. I am so frickin' hungry, and he is just not getting anything done.*frustration* He did eventually get about 2/3 of the paper done, but we still have to go through this again tomorrow night. Argh.

Comments

[elissa-carey.livejournal.com]

That's what Josh does as well -- he simply doesn't like writing. He doesn't derive any enjoyment from it, and I know it's partly due to his perception that he's not good at it. (He's actually average to pretty good, but there are various factors I think have combined to make him think he's not good at it. First, it doesn't come easily to him like math does. Second, although teachers have done the best they could with the courses they have to teach, I don't think he was given enough tools that he can personally comprehend and use to write as well as most kids are expected to. Third, because of his frustration and wanting to be as good at it as he is with math, he does get that writer's block -- he wants to sound so super and good and perfect that his own expectations get in the way.)

What has begun working with Josh, and has meant that he's getting his writing assignments done more often and within a reasonable amount of time, is emphasizing that it doesn't have to be perfect. We've emphasized that it's more important to simply get the work done, and that he's not expected to be a genius; he's supposed to learn, and his teachers are supposed to teach him and correct him if he's gotten anything wrong. We've also emphasized over and over that he's very smart: he just needs to show the teacher that. And if he doesn't get his work done, the teachers don't know what he's capable of and can't help him.

I've also tried to give Josh a few tools that (to me) it doesn't seem his teachers gave him, the biggest being the knowledge that your first draft of anything is always going to be rough. Telling him that he can write down anything first and edit it later has helped. Also, with longer writing assignments, taking it from brainstorming, to writing down outlines, to giving each paragraph its own "main idea"... things that Alisdair may or may not be ready to use yet, but could possibly benefit from if any of this sounds familiar to you. In this instance, it's definitely a motivational issue: you just need to find the right lever to help him motivate himself. :)

As for meditation, it is definitely one of those things that sounds easy in theory, and on occasion it is in practice, but it does take a while to get used to and start reaping the benefits. There are two major things to keep in mind with it: one, to minimize outside distractions as much as possible (even taking the phone off the hook for a while if you have to), and two, to start small. Start with, say, five minutes. At first, just focus on being quiet and relaxing. If you need some quiet music to help, go for it. If a low drumbeat, like a heartbeat, helps you and Alisdair, go with that. You could also find an object to help you focus, whether it's a candle flame, a little water fountain, or perhaps one of those little zen rock gardens. Touch could also help: you could rub Alisdair's back, or maybe just sit and rock with him in your lap.

With meditation, there is no "wrong" way to do it. If it helps you relax and regain your composure, that's all that matters. If you need to garden, or read, or chant mantras, so be it. If Alisdair likes you to rock him while listening to Brahm's Lullaby and looking at a candle flame, then go with it. It's a time to let go of worries and just to be in the moment. Your worries will still be there when you're done, but you'll be better able to handle them afterward. (If need be, when your worries are crowding your head, tell yourself something like, "I will deal with that when I am done. Now is for now." Reassure yourself that you're not shirking, but giving yourself tools to take care of things.) Just don't expect to be able to go for half an hour right away; like I said, start small, then work up to it. If you start with five minutes, try for six minutes when you think you or Alisdair are ready. Then go for seven, eight, ten, twelve... whatever works.