Grad school apps

[eurydicebound]

So today I've spent most of the morning getting transcripts ordered and letters of recommendation sent and just generally trying to get all the stuff that has to be mailed from elsewhere sent off so that it'll all get where it's going in time. This is, probably not surprisingly, way more stressful than it sounds.

It's not just the form-filling-out and the fees and whatnot, it's also that this is a huge (HUGE) change in my life that I'm looking at. I've got to jump off a proverbial really big-ass cliff, not knowing if or when I'll land, and that is terrifying. I literally don't know where I'll be nine months from now. I have suspicions, but it's only that. I don't even know if this is something I can do successfully. What I do know is that if I don't get all my paperwork done and sent off by halfway through next week, then I've screwed up badly. And while I believe I can get that done -- there's some tweaking to do, but nothing terribly untoward -- it is hardly what I'd consider a low-stress situation.

I want this all to work so badly. I want to not be screwing up my life by deciding to push forward with this. I want to not fail. I don't have any guarantee of any of that, though... not an easy thing to admit to, much less deal with. This is potentially such a huge change, and I know so little about how it'll all work on the other end of it. I'm flying blind, basically... and I hate that.

This afternoon I'm going to see Sherlock Holmes, because lord knows I could use the break. After I get back I'm going to bake bread and make salmon for dinner, because I have to know how this recipe I'm trying is going to turn out. I'm also going to fill out applications for the next two schools and get that done. Then I'll see what's left to do for each, what needs to be mailed from here, and I'll make a list and put my packets together. There are other things, more pressing short-term things, that I have to deal with next week. I can't do anything about them right now, though, and likely not until next week anyway, if then, so I'm just going to put those out of my mind for the moment.

If anyone wants to offer a bit of reassurance, I'd really really appreciate it right now. I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time and get through (as a friend so wisely counseled me) but a few supportive notes would also go a long way. Every little bit helps, you know? Thanks, guys.

Comments

[tfbretz.livejournal.com]

You rock. So speaks Zod.

[anaka.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Zod. I'll skip the kneeling, though. :)