December 11th.

[eurydicebound]

That's D-Day, the day on which my divorce becomes final, assuming we get all the ducks in a row during the intervening mandatory wait period. The papers are filed and the legal wheels set in motion. There's a small amount of irony here, as the 7th of December is our 15th wedding anniversary. At least I'll have a nice, easy to remember number to refer back to when people ask. :)

I find that I still feel this is a worthy cause for celebration, and that I'd like to have some sort of occasion to mark the event, though I don't know if I'm sticking to my previous format idea. For one, I don't know that David is all that attached to the idea, or feels the same desire to go party. For two, it seems that the number of friends we have that we both actually talk to pretty much get how things are between us and that they aren't required to choose sides. For three, I don't think my kids are of the same celebratory mind as I am, and I don't want to make them sad. I'd also sort of like to have a more adult celebration, now I think of it. At least somewhere that might sell alcohol for people to partake of, should they wish.

So... yeah. I have a date, roughly, I just need to figure out what the form of said get-together will be. Suggestions?

Comments

[amanofhats.livejournal.com]

I hear Mexican food goes great with any separation.

[anaka.livejournal.com]

*grin* Mmmm. Mexican food.

[oakthorne.livejournal.com]

May I offer a piece of advice?

Do something to recognize - in a symbolic fashion - that this has occurred once it does. Symbols and ritual speak to our deep mind, which is often the part of ourselves that we find strange emotions upwelling from. I know two of my covenmates have gotten divorced or otherwise seperated, and they said that doing so can really help mitigate those strange senses of "the world not being right."

Because the joining was symbolized ritually in some fashion (an exchange of rings, a full wedding, what have you), take a few moments to use that same "language" to let your deep mind know what is going on. At worst, you engage in some meaningless ritual. At best, it can help with that transition.

Just a piece of advice; use, fold, mutilate and spindle as you see fit. *hugs*

Regards,
Joseph

[anaka.livejournal.com]

No, I very much agree with the use, even need for ritual in our lives. I think overall we've eliminated rather too much of it in modern Western society, to our detriment as a whole. We're built to repond to it; I think we do ourselves a disservice by not using it more often. Not necessarily in an expensive way, mind you, but it doesn't take a fortune to make a ritual.

[trollbabe.livejournal.com]

So I NetFlixed "Under the Tuscan Sun" recently (nice little bit of chick-friendly fluff - nothing deep, but not cloying, either) featuring the "How did I miss how cool she is?" Sandra Oh. Diane Lane's character's divorce has just been finalized, and Sandra Oh and another woman take her to a restaurant and declare that just as marriages begin with champagne and cake, they should end with champagne and cake as well.

I like the idea behind that, and it speaks to oakthorne's point as well.

Which is all a long way of saying: you should definitely go out and in some fashion (though I can definitely see leaving the kids out of it - I'd worry that they'd internalize it in some unforeseen and incorrect way) mark the occasion.

As far as marking the occasion with David, our friends who got divorced semi-recently (wow, it's been well over a year now) wound up leaving the courthouse and going out to lunch, where they talked a bunch of things out and had a glass of wine and sort of toasted the good parts and let go of the bad and wished each other happy futures. I don't know if that would work for you guys, but it seemed a nice send-off to me.